I think a quote from Clash of the Titans can best summarize my viewing experience, “Don’t look this —– in the eyes.”The story follows the tale of Perseus (Sam Worthington) as he tries to seek revenge upon the gods for killing his adopted family. Throughout the adventure, Perseus and his band of followers encounter numerous foes, including Medusa, before facing off against the spawn of Hades, the Kraken.
This remake suffers from several serious problems that plague the movie from beginning to end.
The first is the lack of action. While the movie had a few good action sequences, it was overall lacking. And, in the place of the action, the filmmakers added awkward stares and extended moments of painful silence.
Case in point, the final battle with the Kraken was the most anticlimactic fight sequence since a laser 500-miles away blasted Devastator in Transformers 2. In addition, the hokey matching of drumbeats to punches was lame.
The next problem was that the whole movie felt like a video game minus the interaction and fun. For example, about every 20 minutes, Perseus found a new item to help on his quest. All that Clash of the Titans was missing was a blue box popping up to inform the audience that ‘Nondescript Character # has joined the party!’.
Which brings up the next shortcoming, the audience could not connect to any of the characters. Members of Perseus’ crew leave as fast as they join for a myriad of reasons, usually a blurry death that isn’t made clear until five minutes later when you realize a character is missing.
Finally, the last major flaw was the black hole where any amount of writing should have been. I’m not even concerned about the acting because, let’s be honest, nobody went to this thing for the acting. But, wholly unoriginal lines reminiscent of 300 with modern slang? C’mon.
The movie did have some bright spots, namely the cinematography. Wide expanses rolled into beautiful landscapes and verdant forest backdrops abounded. And, the showdown with Medusa was exciting and fairly thrilling.
But, these meager offerings don’t save this film from the bowels of Celluloid Hades. If Charon offers you a ride to this flick, tell him you forgot your coins and kindly pass.
MPAA: PG-13
Final Grade: D+
Next Issue: Date Night
